Cash Hash » Cash Hash » Cash Advance/ Cash Advances » If you see someone who has scars from self harm, what do you say to them?

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  #1 (permalink)
: I saw a thing on the internet that said something like "today at the cash register the customer would not stop staring at my scars" and then someone said something like "sorry for staring. I cut, too, and couldn't find the words to say". I only used quotes to separate my words from what I think was theres.
Anyways, so when you see someone that self harms, what can you say to make them feel better?
Thanks in advance! (:
Actually I have cut for about 4 years, but I'm really trying to stop. Please keep in mind that I haven't had it bad, so don't feel like you need to say something nice. Chances are it isn't nearly as bad as you may think. I'm trying different things at the moment, and writing seems to help some, so if anyone is trying to stop, I suggest writing. It helps me understand what I'm doing when I write something and can go back and pay attention to my word choice to better understand myself.

Also, I don't have any visible self harm scars, but I do have a star on the top of my wrist that was NOT self harm (trust me). I was standing outside of a portable room with exercise equipment for school with three other girls, and one girl said, "You have a scar," and pointed, so I know in a sense how it feels to be put on the spot for something different.

I will never hear anything as far as self harm goes from anyone because like I said, the scars aren't vis
. . .
The scars aren't visible and my star has faded.

Kitty, I really appreciate you, but Stu doesn't hurt my feelings. Slows my breathing, sure, but doesn't hurt my feelings.

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  #2 (permalink)
: tell them to sotp fuckin hurtin themselfs and be a man hooker
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  #3 (permalink)
: as a self harmer myself i hate when people would give me pity if they ever found out. only a few people no from seeing or me telling them. i only told my best friend and this boy who was going through the same thing as me. we kinda bonded and help each other through it. when you see it do not say anything around people because that's something personal. just give the person a warm hug, they may need it, then just tell them it's going to be OK. it helps.
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  #4 (permalink)
: I've seen it. I just talk to them about whatever, if they want to. Just talk to them about sports, politics or whatever you're interested in. Sometimes, people cut because they're lonely. So just treat them like everybody else.
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  #5 (permalink)
: you say nothing.

1. They will talk to you if they want to.
2. It digs up hard memories.
3. Why stare at someones differences anyway!
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  #6 (permalink)
: I would just invite them to a cup of their fave tee or coffee or ice cream at the nearest possible time ,no matter I don't know them and ask them to talk with me if she would like and would listen to them,If I saw a person with such a condition I would never leave her alone and try my best to do anything possible to help them.
I have a lot of free time and no children to take care of so I can spend time on trying to help others, if I would be successful It is like a gift from Heaven to me.
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  #7 (permalink)
: Nothing. It's not your business. Pointing out something like that can lead to a very awkward situation. Somebody that seriously has problems does not want some random person they don't know pointing out their scars. Anytime it has ever happened to me I find it rude and obnoxious. And quite frankly it hurts my feelings. That is something very personal to people...like i said it really depends on the person. I've had people at my school shout out "Oh I cut myself someone feel sorry for me" If their scars obviously it's in the past...you really want to trigger their thoughts about their past?
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  #8 (permalink)
Stu
: Better not to say anything..that's what I think.
Just seeing their scars, and asuming what it is,why it is and assuming THEY want to talk about it is probably NOT going to make them "feel better".
Apparently, YOU have an ongoing "cutting problem" of your own. Unless you have conquered your own problem, talking to someone else with the same problem appears instead to "justify it".
What would anyone say to "comfort" someone with a "cutting problem"?
Ironically,(as you are a "cutter"), YOU should have the answer to the very question that you pose. Good luck. Peace.
Per Avatar Kitty @ my advise. All due respect , but you can be "encouraging and supportive" without discussing "cutting". "Cutting" per se does NOT happen in a "vacumn"...it is effected by many things.
Personally, I think you can do a LOT of POSITIVE things for people WITHOUT mentioning their "scars and cutting" AT ALL.
I did not intend to be "harsh" , nor did I suggest you don't talk to them. My point was that you might consider NOT talking about THAT("cutting"). My take is they have enough problems without "rubbing their nose in it"( the cutting). If THEY want to talk about their problem THEY'LL tell you.
Too, I would suspect that a "cutter" would have a better idea of what may make another "cutter" feel "better", but (so it seems), apparently they choose to "cut" than talk about it, and for whatever THEIR reason , it is THIS ("cutting") that appears to make them "feel better".
I think others can do better recognizing their WORTH than highlighting and focusing on their dysfunction. Peace.
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  #9 (permalink)
: I self-harm and whenever I see someone with what I think are self-harm scars, I say nothing and get really scared, because I know what they were going through when they hurt themselves. I know I should say something encouraging to them, like, "Have a lovely day," but I don't. Ugh.
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  #10 (permalink)
: As someone who has self harmed(hopefully in the past only), it makes me uncomfortable when people ask me about it. The only people in my life who I have discussed it with are my doctors and past boyfriends. when people ask me I tell them a cat or a car accident. As another user stated, it is none of their business. Treat everyone the same. We don't go up to people who are in wheelchairs and sk the what happened, at least I hope not... Respect them for who they are, not what the scars on them are.
I will add however, if the person has fresh cuts and you are close to them, let them know you are there for them. But don't specifically mention the cutting. If the cutting seems to be getting out of hand please do the right thing for the person and get them help. For a lot of people (myself included) it is or was their only coping skill. Other skills need to be taught, and the person needs to know how loved they are.
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